I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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