I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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