I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
