I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
