whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
