She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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