i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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