Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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