Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
