His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
