I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
