Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize