did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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