it was like eating out sand paper
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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