I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize