You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
