p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
