Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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