Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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