u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
