Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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