And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
