How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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