what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He did a backflip because drugs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
