You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
