It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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