How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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