you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
