okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize