Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
