Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
