Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
