i think i have two assholes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dont even know how to be here
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
