I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
