I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
