went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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