We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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