I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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