You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i love accidental penises.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
