Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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