I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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