It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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