Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
