How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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