I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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