You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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