awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
