remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
