Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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