Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
