She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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