New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
