I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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