I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
