I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
