i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
