buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
