Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
