His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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