If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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