The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize