Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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