Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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