my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
