Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
