i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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