..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
