I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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