So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
