yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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