Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I am morally bankrupt
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
