I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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