hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
