no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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