is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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