god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
