yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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