The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
