Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
