im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there's paper in my vomit.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
