I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
