So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
