he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize