I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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