Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
