The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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