I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
