hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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