I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize