Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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