He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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