Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
