were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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