i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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