everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
