i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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