there's paper in my vomit.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
