i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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