We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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