nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
