Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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