we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Someone signed my nipple.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
