VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
