She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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