he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
